In my last post I was a stay-at-home mom of one 9-year-old boy who I home schooled and pretty much spent every waking moment with.
I am still a stay-at-home mom who home schools her 9-year-old son, I still spend all my time with my children (not always by choice! lol) but now I am a mom of 4… let me say that again, 4!! Not just a mother of 4, but my children’s ages are 9 years, 28months, 18months, and 9months. Yeah, I am C-R-A-Z-Y.
(This is NOT us!)
(This is more like it)
We became licensed to be a foster home 3 months ago. In that 3 months we have had 6 foster kids come through our home. Life has been hectic to say the least. Most normality we previously knew in our life has been thrown to the wayside in an effort to just make sure everyone is surviving till bedtime. Then we wake up and do it all over again.
Most of the craziness we have experienced has been due to having such a high “turn over” with kids coming and going every few weeks. From what I can gather, that doesn’t seem to be typical and the kids we have now will hopefully stick for a while.
My husband and I are craving, longing, desiring, to have a routine, or some kind of “normal” back in our lives. (Some future posts will focus on attempting to achieve that.) The kids need this too. But this is easier said than done when you are constantly cleaning up messes, changing diapers, feeding someone, putting someone down for a nap (NEVER mom or dad!), filling out paper work, distributing medications, taking someone to the doctor or dentist, shuttling kids to family visits, going to court hearings or permanency conferences, and working with multiple ECI workers, all while trying to learn and bond with new kids and help them learn and bond with us. Life has become…well, hard.
Although we did want another child and were even pursuing adoption, we didn’t become foster parents to fill a need in our hearts for children (but they definitely have filled our life and heart!), We did this because God asked us to. It was hard to come to the decision to foster but I KNOW this is God’s will for our family. He shows me over and over again that He is intricately involved in every minute of our life and the life of these kids that He has called us to love. When things get crazy and I want to just throw up my hands and scream, it helps me cope to remember that nothing, absolutely nothing, can come in my path that hasn’t first passed through God’s hands! He knows it all, and He is willing to meet in this moment and help me through.
So, I am about the least perfect person I have ever met. I lose my temper faster than a prairie fire with a tail wind (yeah, I just said that.) I yell too much, I put way too much responsibility on my 9-year-old. I could definitely be more kind and understanding. But sometimes amid all my imperfections and all the chaos at my house I just have to sit back and laugh. Our life is crazy, hectic, and so often heartbreaking, but it is also funny! When I walk up to McDonalds with a MASSIVE diaper bag on one shoulder, a bag with my crocheting on the other shoulder (HAHAHA like I am actually going to have time to do that!!), lugging a twenty-pounder in an infant car seat, holding the hand of a stubborn little girl, and virtually dragging a 1-year-old (who isn’t toddling fast enough to the liking of the driver of the car who is waiting for us to get out of his path,) do you know what I do? First, I probably lose some hair. Second, I laugh. Not always out loud but almost always in my heart I am laughing. While these people are staring at me like “Somebody needs to tell her what causes that!” I have to laugh. I am a spectacle! I am a mess! I am absolutely crazy. I am stressed, and it is funny.
Pretty much if you don’t end up laughing, then you end up losing hair. I need to laugh more! My hair is thin already.
I have lost most of my sanity, my house is a disaster, my husband and I have spent exactly 1 hour completely alone in the last 3 months, my heart has been ripped out of my chest multiple times, I live in fear of surprise inspections, I have gained weight because somewhere in all of this I have returned to my Dr. Pepper addiction. I need deliberate family time and I need to find a new normal for my family but through the tears and laughter I don’t want anything different for my life. My house is overflowing and so is my heart! Oh, and if you see me out, feel free to laugh!