I Have Become Pathetic

I woke up today with every intention to write a very up beat post about how excited I am that I HAVE LOST 20 LBS!! Yeah, that’s right! I am 1/2 way to my first goal, and a little less than 1/4 of the way to the big goal! I am very happy about reaching this milestone, but today was not an inspiring day to say the least.

I really wanted to spend the day feeling like this …


But reality was more like this…


All last week I had an awful sinus infection that kept me from doing any of our work outs, since I couldn’t breathe very well. I was supposed to start back today, but I seem to be trying to relapse. It’s the truth! Don’t judge me.

I started out doing the work out with the boys but it began with jumping jacks and I HATE those! I mean, they aren’t hard or anything, it’s just that well… any girl who is “bigger” knows why. Anyway, that was when I gave up. Yeah, I sat down and blogged while they worked out. Defeated… or sick. We will go with sick.

I woke up feeling like poo and the day itself was very frustrating. I wanted to get a lot done for work and around the house today, but everything just seemed to move slow and go wrong. The highest point of frustration today was the point at which I lost my phone. After retracing all my steps and talking to everyone working at the places I had gone, I am still without my phone.

Now, I am an emotional eater. Days like today really put me to the test! WELL… my phone has my Lose It app on it. I mean how can I count calories without it right?! I totally justified that I could really eat whatever I wanted until I got the app downloaded on my tablet. And this decision revealed a new truth about myself. It is now more a habit for me to be conscious about my food choices than to not. Even after I decided to splurge and eat whatever I wanted, I ended up choosing low calorie options instead of all the candy I have in my freezer or the peanut butter I REALLY wanted. In my rebellion I ended up consuming about 325 calories (yes I was keeping a running tally in my head). I knew I had over 1,000 left from lunch today and supper was only 400 calories so I am sitting right now under my calories by about 300.

I have become pathetic. And awesome. And pathetic.  Exactly what I never wanted to be, and yet exactly how I need to be! It is good for me and depressing for me. I know, I am bi-polar LOL. Maybe only a fatty like me understands this conflict. But hey, yay for losing 20 lbs. right!? 🙂 Here’s to a better day tomorrow!

leah tag

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