Grace in the face of Mommy-hood: When Life Happens

grace in the face when life happens image

Since the end of January, my son has had a constant ear infection. We have tried all sorts of medicines and remedies, desperate to find him relief. On top of that, my son, my husband, and I have been passing back and forth a respiratory virus and a stomach bug. I’ve barely helped my husband with his work, or kept my house livable. I have missed more church than I have attended this year.  My days, weeks, and months have blurred together. Sleep is a special occasion. I have had to cancel tons of plans and appointments. I feel like a frustrated failure. But what I am slowly learning is, it is okay.

It is so hard for me to accept the fact that I can’t do it all. I constantly worry that people are upset with me because I am not fulfilling whatever expectations they may have for me. And do you want to know the stupid part? I worry more about  the people around me than the people close to me. I care more about Jane Doe from work or church and what she thinks about me, than I do what my family or close friends do. This has been something that I have struggled with all my life, but now it has to stop. Everyday I have to make the decision to not let the people around me define me.

 Each time a situation arises I need to ask myself two questions: Am I doing my best to care for my family and myself? and Is God pleased with my behavior?

If the answer is no, then I need to pinpoint areas where I need to be better. And I am not talking about “I need to keep my house pristine.” I mean working on patience, kindness,  encouragement, being helpful, forgiving, and so on.

If the answer is yes, then I need to be okay with who I am and the things that are happening in my life. I have to let the thoughts and opinions of others go. It is pride that keeps me in search of praise and approval from others. So for the health of my family and me – I have to learn to not care. Why let those who know so little about my daily life control my thoughts and emotions? And if the most productive day in a week consists of making a meal and showering and holding my whiny child, that is okay.

It all comes back to how you are defined. Will the words of others define you? Or will the words of God?

Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” 

God called me to the life and situations I am in, so if He is pleased with me, then what else matters?

 

Dani Tag

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I Have Become Pathetic

I woke up today with every intention to write a very up beat post about how excited I am that I HAVE LOST 20 LBS!! Yeah, that’s right! I am 1/2 way to my first goal, and a little less than 1/4 of the way to the big goal! I am very happy about reaching this milestone, but today was not an inspiring day to say the least.

I really wanted to spend the day feeling like this …

cartoon_fitness_lady

But reality was more like this…

fat-man-food

All last week I had an awful sinus infection that kept me from doing any of our work outs, since I couldn’t breathe very well. I was supposed to start back today, but I seem to be trying to relapse. It’s the truth! Don’t judge me.

I started out doing the work out with the boys but it began with jumping jacks and I HATE those! I mean, they aren’t hard or anything, it’s just that well… any girl who is “bigger” knows why. Anyway, that was when I gave up. Yeah, I sat down and blogged while they worked out. Defeated… or sick. We will go with sick.

I woke up feeling like poo and the day itself was very frustrating. I wanted to get a lot done for work and around the house today, but everything just seemed to move slow and go wrong. The highest point of frustration today was the point at which I lost my phone. After retracing all my steps and talking to everyone working at the places I had gone, I am still without my phone.

Now, I am an emotional eater. Days like today really put me to the test! WELL… my phone has my Lose It app on it. I mean how can I count calories without it right?! I totally justified that I could really eat whatever I wanted until I got the app downloaded on my tablet. And this decision revealed a new truth about myself. It is now more a habit for me to be conscious about my food choices than to not. Even after I decided to splurge and eat whatever I wanted, I ended up choosing low calorie options instead of all the candy I have in my freezer or the peanut butter I REALLY wanted. In my rebellion I ended up consuming about 325 calories (yes I was keeping a running tally in my head). I knew I had over 1,000 left from lunch today and supper was only 400 calories so I am sitting right now under my calories by about 300.

I have become pathetic. And awesome. And pathetic.  Exactly what I never wanted to be, and yet exactly how I need to be! It is good for me and depressing for me. I know, I am bi-polar LOL. Maybe only a fatty like me understands this conflict. But hey, yay for losing 20 lbs. right!? 🙂 Here’s to a better day tomorrow!

leah tag